Excerpt from “Living, Loving & Learning”

Leo F. Buscaglia, Ph.D

 

Who is the loving person?  The loving person is the person who loves him or herself. I say this so often, and people say, “Oh, yes, you’re so right,” but they just don’t do it!  You will never be able to love anybody else until you love yourself.  Wiesel, the wonderful Jewish writer, wrote a beautiful thing in a book called Soul on Fire.  He said:                     

           

When we die and we go to heaven, and we meet our Maker, our Maker is not going to say to us, why didn’t you become a messiah?  Why didn’t you discover the cure for such and such?  The only think we’re going to be asked at that precious moment is why didn’t you become you?

 

That is your prime responsibility, because if it were not, why is that you are so incredibly unique?  Everybody is different.  Everybody has something to give that nobody else in the world has.  Isn’t that enough for you to become enthusiastic about yourself?  And also, to say to yourself, “My goodness, I’ve got to find out what that is.”

 

I tell that to my students, and they say, “Me?  I don’t have anything useful.” Well, if you believe it and you listen to everyone else, they may convince you that that’s true.  I don’t understand why people are always putting us down instead of encouraging us to become, because when you do become, you will give me a world that I couldn’t have any other way. I’m probably tin the Guinness Book of Records for hugging. Do you know that there are no two people that even hug alike?  You have the gentle hugger who sort of floats in your arms. You have the jock hugger goes rrhhhooowww. You have the back-slapper that goes Bam! Bam! Bam! You have the tender lover that just disappears in you and then wiggles.  Don’t tell me that it ever gets boring to hug!

 

            But one of the most difficult things you’re going to have to do—it should be the simplest—is to be you, to find out who you are and what you have to share.  And then dedicate yourself to the process of developing it so that you can give it away to everybody else, because that’s the only reason in the world for having anything.  The wonderful thing about the self is that it isn’t anything that’s concrete.  The thing that you’ll leave behind is something that’s not tangible.  That’s what you are.  And if you develop that, you’ll leave that to everyone you touch.  And they’ll be more.