Non-Violent Relationships

Here are some helpful hints for building healthy relationships. You will find a description of a mature, nonviolent relationship. You may wish to use this information for comparison or for goal setting.

To go directly to the menu click here.

Nonviolent relationships have the following characteristics:

NON-THREATENING	Non-violent relationships involve talking and acting so that my partner feels comfortable expressing himself or herself and doing things he or she is interested in.
RESPECT	Non-violent relationships involve listening to my partner non-judgmentally, being emotionally supportive, and valuing his or her opinions.
HONESTY AND ACCOUNTABILITY	Non-violent relationships involve accepting responsibility for my behavior, including past use of violence, admitting being wrong, and communicating openly and truthfully.
RESPONSIBLE PARENTING	Non-violent relationships involve sharing parental responsibilities and being a positive role model for my children.
SHARED RESPONSIBILITY	Non-violent relationships involve agreeing on a fair distribution of work and making family decisions together.
ECONOMIC PARTNERSHIP	Non-violent relationships involve making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
NEGOTIATION AND FAIRNESS	Non-violent relationships involve seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict, acceptance of change, and being willing to negotiate and compromise.

MATURE RELATIONSHIPS

A mature relationship strives for the following characteristics:

•It allows for the individuality of each partner.

•It seeks to bring out the best in both partners.

•It is open to change and exploration.

•It invites growth in both partners, ie., there is room for each to grow and a desire for the other to grow.

•It encourages open expression of feelings and thoughts.

•It allows both parties to be responsible for themselves.

•It encourages realistic expectations of each other.

•It promotes good self-esteem in each person.

•It accepts occasional absences as a natural part of life.

•It welcomes spontaneity.

•It welcomes closeness and vulnerability, ie., both parties are willing to risk and to be real.

•It affirms the equality of each partner.

•It welcomes humor.

•It encourages negotiation and conflict resolution.

•It encourages separate interests and outside friends as opposed to "total involvement" and a restricted social life.

The statements above are guidelines; they are not requirements. Mature relationships involve a process of growth. These guidelines are not conditions which must be met before the relationship can be termed healthy; rather, they are good goals for a healthy relationship.

Adapted for HEART (Help End Abusive Relationship Tendencies)
A Personal Growth Program Manual for Battered and Formerly Battered Women (1988)
by Dawn Franks, Robert Geffner, Ph.D., et al.
Used with permission from the Family Violence and Sexual Assault Institute, 1310 Clinic Drive, Tyler, Texas 75701