The following questions will help you identify whether a relationship is likely to become physically violent and/or emotionally abusive. In opposite sex relationships the batterer, according to Bureau of Justice and American Medical Association statistics, is almost always the man (over 90%). A backlash movement has perpetuated the myth that men and women batter equally. This is not true. Sometimes a battered person fights back to prevent being fatally injured, which is self-defense, not battery. Other times a battered person becomes abusive in response to battery. That problem needs to be addressed, but it does not take any responsibility away from the batterer. Please remember that both rape and battery occur in same sex relationships. Physical abuse occurs in same sex relationships at the same rate it occurs in straight relationships (about 25%).

Jealousy: Is your partner jealous? Does your partner accuse you of flirting? Is your partner jealous of the time you spend with others?

Controlling Behavior: Does your partner want to make all your decisions for you? Does your partner get angry if you're late? Does your partner discourage you from going to school? Does your partner keep all the money, doling it out a little at a time?

Isolation: Does your partner keep you away from your friends and family? Does your partner call people who support you "troublemakers"?

Quick involvement: Did your partner come on fast, rushing you to engagement, marriage, or serious involvement? Did your partner pressure you to commit right away?

Unrealistic Expectations: Does your partner expect you to meet all of his/her needs? Are you supposed to be the perfect lover, parent, and friend?

Blames others for his/her problems: Does your partner blame you for mistakes he/she makes? Does your partner believe that other people are always out to get him/her?

Blames others for his/her feelings: Does your partner blame you for "making him/her mad"? Does your partner claim that you control how he/she feels?

Hypersensitivity: Is your partner easily insulted? Does your partner rant and rave about daily stresses?

Cruelty to Animals or Children: Does your partner tease, slap, or beat children? Does your partner disrespect them in other ways? Does your partner brutally punish animals?

Forced Sex: Does your partner force you into sex that you do not want?

Verbal Abuse: Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful? Does your partner degrade and criticize you in front of others? Does your partner insist you can't succeed without him/her?

Rigid Sex Roles: Does your partner believe women should serve and obey men and stay at home? Does your partner believe women are inferior to men and less intelligent? Does your partner refuse to cook, wash dishes, or take care of children?

Past Battering: Does your partner admit that he/she has hit a partner in the past and insist that the other person made him/her do it?

Threats of Violence: Does your partner make statements like these: "I'll kill you"; "I'll break your neck"; "I'll fix it so no one else will want you"?

Breaking or Striking Objects: Does your partner break objects, especially ones you love? Does your partner beat on tables, strike walls, or throw objects around or near you?